I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
