can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
