my sisters under your porch take her home
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize