He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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