They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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