Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
