K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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