i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
