My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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