Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
