I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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