drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
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I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
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I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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