hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
