In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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