My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
