Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The air was thick with penises
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
