He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
