I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
