I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
