I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
being pregnant is like rehab
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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