his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
