Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
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Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
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I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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