You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
