Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
