Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
