Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
