last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
