fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
