i just wanna soil my oats bro
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
