there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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