I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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