remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
