So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
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This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
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I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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