i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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