Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
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It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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