i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so let's talk penis.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
