im six kinds of drunk right now
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize