Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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