I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
