I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
