youre lurking in front of me
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
