I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Your cock deserves a montage
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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