His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
