So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
