I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
