So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Panties = found
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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