You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
