i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
