Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
