Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
