how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
