forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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