Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
