I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Four minutes until I can fart!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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