Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
