There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
