I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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