im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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