Little spoons don't ask big questions
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.