nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
