Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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