No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
