wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
