All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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