I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
