Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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