You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
