we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
