idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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