So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
