Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
