I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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