we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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