This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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