Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
