I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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