I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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