Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
