the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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